It was only Just A Dream....

DAY 124~

Today was just one of those off days. Going through being separated from my husband, while he isn't in the safest place, I occasionally have those. Today just happened to be one of those days. I really didn't feel like doing anything, didn't get much accomplished until tonight, when after I put the kids to bed.

Watching the episode of Army Wives, that I had on my DVR probably didn't help me much today. All of the emotions of saying "farewell for now" four times now, all came flooding back to me. And the emotion of the night before. Wanting to spend every last second with my husband not wanting to let go. And dreading the next day when he doesn't have to choice but to leave. Those two moments (times four) are about the toughest things I have had to do in my life, besides living with out him for a year, and raising our kids on my own. Those moments, I cannot describe. And it is hard to understand, unless your the one seeing your husband off, and only can Pray for his safe return. It is tough. This time our goodbyes were even harder. We didn't have a place to go besides outside, and it was morning time in the middle of March. They didn't have a place like on Army Wives set up, where we could just sit and spend those last few minutes together. We were in the car. When he left the three previous times from Fort Lewis, they had a room set up for us. We got to spend that time together, even outside after their formation, until they got on the buses. All of those three times, I stood there, until I could not see those buses anymore. Sad, and not wanting to go home.

This time, I had to see my husband enter a building. My last look at him was his back going in a doorway. This time, I didn't get to spend every last second with him until he had to leave. This time, they stayed around the building that families weren't allowed in. Then went to the gym, spent the day there, and flew out that night. I was just very unhappy that morning. I didn't like the send off for our Soldiers, and I didn't like how the families were treated. I hope the Welcome Home Ceremony, next year, is better then that.

I took a little nap on the couch while the kids were watching t.v. Apparently I was in a deep enough sleep where I was dreaming. In my Dream, my husband was lying next to me, sleeping, with his arm around me. It felt so real, it made me feel like he was right there with me. Then again, I woke up, and it felt like more of a nightmare, he is thousands of miles away from me. I have to wait over (or under) two and a half months until I can experience that moment I was dreaming of. And boy, I cannot wait for it, I just want to be able to touch my husband and know he is right by my side. I just really miss a simple thing, just like that. I will continue dreaming of it, until my dream does come true, when he is on his "vacation home". I'm counting down the days...