My Official Countdown has begun, 6 months from today....

DAY 10-
Well, I can only hope, and dream that it will stick to the day my husband requested, but things can always change. In 6 months he is suppose to come home on his leave and be here for our 9th Anniversary. If he is unable to come during that time, at least I know in my heart, that he tried. Some things he can't always take control of when he is in the Army. So, for now at least that is the day I'm sticking with, and counting down until that day. When I can have him in my arms again, and give him a big kiss. I really miss him here and the random moments that I could just walk up to him and give him a hug. Just having him in my arms made my day. I cannot wait for those moments again when he is here for two weeks on his "vacation at home".

Today didn't start out so well. I really didn't feel to good like half of the day. It was nearly impossible to do anything around the house. So, the kids just played with their toys. I miss the times that when I wouldn't feel good, I would just go take a bath or a nap, and Josh would be here to watch the children. Now it's all up to me, whether I'm feeling well or not. Thankfully the kid's weren't to bad today. Only Johnathan and his temper tantrums about half of the day. He would get mad over anything and everything, and then that would be that.

Thankfully about 1:30 p.m today I was feeling better, and was able to do some laundry. I don't understand why it is, when I'm out and about I want to stay home. But then, when I'm home I feel stuck, and want to be out and about. I find myself looking out my windows a lot, I guess trying to see if people still exist. But, I don't have much luck in my neighborhood. I hardly see anyone around. It get's pretty lonely here without another adult to talk to, I do have three kids. But they play their toys together a lot.

It seems I'm having a more difficult time on this 4th deployment. That is because I don't have any family around, and I don't really have any friends to do anything with. So it's just the 3 kids and I, almost all the time together. And also, on all the other 3 deployments, I had at least a part time job. Now, I cannot afford daycare for 3 kids, and so I'm stuck. Lonely, and missing my husband even more. It is hard when you get use to seeing some one every day, and then they go away and you only get to speak to them maybe every 3 days. I just hope at least the next 6 months goes by fast. This past 10 days has felt like a long time because the kids were on spring break. I hope that once they are back in school next week things speed up for us.

Johnathan did do something cute today, between all of his temper tantrums. I was trying to get him to say, "I'm 3", and he told me, "No, Your not 3!" I thought that was funny.

Well, I think it is time for me to get off and work on some of my college classes online. I'm going to be sitting here hoping and wishing for another phone call from my husband. because I'm truly sitting here missing him a lot tonight.

Taking each day, one day at a time....

DAY 3- I just wanted to start off with,
HAPPY 3RD BIRTHDAY TO MY BABY JOHNATHAN!!!!

3 years ago today we were in the middle of a deployment, and Josh had came home on his leave for the birth of our son, one week into his leave, and one week before he had to return to Iraq, our baby boy was born. And yet were here again with him deployed.
The adjustment period with out Josh sucks!!!! Yesterday was a hard day being the first full day with out him, and a combination of him being gone, me being sick, and the snow when it should be sunny out! It was great seeing Elizabeth get her awards, but after that just being home, bummed me out. (Like I said above probably a combination of all those, not depression, because I'm better today). I took an hour nap on the couch,with Johnathan lying on my back, and then him lying beside me stealing my blanket. That nap really didn't help me any, I have this miserable cold, or whatever it might be, I have junk in my lungs if that is what you want to call it. I think I'm finally feeling a little better today, and I think, or at least hope that my voice is getting better. I wasn't feeling like standing out in the cold weather being sick, so I even drove to the bus stop, and back home. I know lazy, oh well. After the kids came home from school, we cleaned the house up some, ate dinner. And then Michael has been bugging me about a Pajama Party. Well, for them they watched a movie in their Pajamas. I started the movie early, at 5:30 p.m, so by the time it finished I would still be able to get them in bed by 8, and I could have my time. I worked on my college work while they watched the movie. They picked out the movie Cars, because they haven't see in in awhile. After that it was bed time. We did our family Prayer and Prayed for the safety of Josh, and the other soldiers, and to let Josh know how much we love and miss him. Then Michael added in during his time to Prayer, "To keep my dad safe from all the bad guys." It is sad, no child should have to Pray for that. Michael also drew a picture for his daddy when we get the address, he drew a scene with a bunch of Army people fighting. He wrote on the good guys head good, and the bad guys head bad. It has a helicopter, tanks and other Army Vehicles in it.
After putting them to bed it was finally mommy time. Except when I closed the bedrooms doors and looked down on the couch where Josh usually would be sitting, my heart just ached. I enjoyed our spending time together every night at I miss it. Apparently to our dog, I don't get my mommy time downstairs since Josh isn't here. For the last two nights when I try and watch my show I put on the DVR, Luke, want's to freak out like someone is breaking in. Thanks to the wind, and the flag shaking outside. I looked both time and everything was okay. I'm really not that scared, but cautios in this neighbohood. Still, it creeped me out enough, and to get him upstaris where he was not hearing it that easily, we went upstairs. Tonight I'm staying down here no matter what, he will not ruin my time tonight.
Today we were going to go to this Easter thing on Fort, but because of all the snow on the ground I changed my mind. Were going to ChuckE Cheese in a little bit. Were just going to try and enjoy the day as much as we can since it is Johnathans 3rd Birthday. Unfortanetly time doesn't freeze while Josh is gone. As much as it stinks that he can't enjoy these moments with us, I have to continue on, and make the most of these moments for the children. I hope they see how hard mommy tries to make their moments as fun as possible without their daddy when then they get older. They are missing daddy, Michael is still saying I wish daddy didn't have to go, I miss him. And Elizabeth is still asking when daddy will be home. I tell her daddy is going to be gone for a few months, she doesn't understand that, she asked "Will daddy be home tomorrow?". I tell her no it's going to be longer then that. Josh is right in our hearts as we continue on through out our days with out him. We miss him a lot.

Time is flying by...

Time if flying by very fast now. In a blink of an eye, he will soon be gone. And with our luck, we, my husband and I are both sick! Some type of cold is going around right now and we both some how picked it up. Yay, for us! Not! So, even though he is home now, he is resting on the couch. I do want to spend time with him, but yet he needs his sleep. In a few days he will not have the chance to get a nap, and will be expected to be up long hours. I'm just using this time to do my online school work for college, and laundry. So much fun! When he wakes up from his nap, (hopefully it is not to long), I will just take in every last minute with him, and enjoy it. We only have limited time left together. Even though I have said it a thousand times, my husband is deploying soon. I really don't think it has fully hit me, or at least I have tried to not let it hit me. I need to keep myself together for him, and the kids. Right now that is a hard thing to do, just a little thought, of he is leaving soon, could make me cry. So, for now that is, I try to think of something else, and concentrate that on spending time with my husband. I just know soon, it really is going to feel like half my heart is ripped from me, and taken with him to Iraq. It is just not something I want to think about right now. I love my husband dearly, and I'm so Proud of him for what he has done for our family, and what he has done for our country, and I know his soldiers will need him when they go. For now, I'll just wait for him to get up so I can spend quality time with him before he leaves in the next few days. or sooner, I can't exactly say because of OPSEC, :)