Taking each day, one day at a time....

DAY 3- I just wanted to start off with,
HAPPY 3RD BIRTHDAY TO MY BABY JOHNATHAN!!!!

3 years ago today we were in the middle of a deployment, and Josh had came home on his leave for the birth of our son, one week into his leave, and one week before he had to return to Iraq, our baby boy was born. And yet were here again with him deployed.
The adjustment period with out Josh sucks!!!! Yesterday was a hard day being the first full day with out him, and a combination of him being gone, me being sick, and the snow when it should be sunny out! It was great seeing Elizabeth get her awards, but after that just being home, bummed me out. (Like I said above probably a combination of all those, not depression, because I'm better today). I took an hour nap on the couch,with Johnathan lying on my back, and then him lying beside me stealing my blanket. That nap really didn't help me any, I have this miserable cold, or whatever it might be, I have junk in my lungs if that is what you want to call it. I think I'm finally feeling a little better today, and I think, or at least hope that my voice is getting better. I wasn't feeling like standing out in the cold weather being sick, so I even drove to the bus stop, and back home. I know lazy, oh well. After the kids came home from school, we cleaned the house up some, ate dinner. And then Michael has been bugging me about a Pajama Party. Well, for them they watched a movie in their Pajamas. I started the movie early, at 5:30 p.m, so by the time it finished I would still be able to get them in bed by 8, and I could have my time. I worked on my college work while they watched the movie. They picked out the movie Cars, because they haven't see in in awhile. After that it was bed time. We did our family Prayer and Prayed for the safety of Josh, and the other soldiers, and to let Josh know how much we love and miss him. Then Michael added in during his time to Prayer, "To keep my dad safe from all the bad guys." It is sad, no child should have to Pray for that. Michael also drew a picture for his daddy when we get the address, he drew a scene with a bunch of Army people fighting. He wrote on the good guys head good, and the bad guys head bad. It has a helicopter, tanks and other Army Vehicles in it.
After putting them to bed it was finally mommy time. Except when I closed the bedrooms doors and looked down on the couch where Josh usually would be sitting, my heart just ached. I enjoyed our spending time together every night at I miss it. Apparently to our dog, I don't get my mommy time downstairs since Josh isn't here. For the last two nights when I try and watch my show I put on the DVR, Luke, want's to freak out like someone is breaking in. Thanks to the wind, and the flag shaking outside. I looked both time and everything was okay. I'm really not that scared, but cautios in this neighbohood. Still, it creeped me out enough, and to get him upstaris where he was not hearing it that easily, we went upstairs. Tonight I'm staying down here no matter what, he will not ruin my time tonight.
Today we were going to go to this Easter thing on Fort, but because of all the snow on the ground I changed my mind. Were going to ChuckE Cheese in a little bit. Were just going to try and enjoy the day as much as we can since it is Johnathans 3rd Birthday. Unfortanetly time doesn't freeze while Josh is gone. As much as it stinks that he can't enjoy these moments with us, I have to continue on, and make the most of these moments for the children. I hope they see how hard mommy tries to make their moments as fun as possible without their daddy when then they get older. They are missing daddy, Michael is still saying I wish daddy didn't have to go, I miss him. And Elizabeth is still asking when daddy will be home. I tell her daddy is going to be gone for a few months, she doesn't understand that, she asked "Will daddy be home tomorrow?". I tell her no it's going to be longer then that. Josh is right in our hearts as we continue on through out our days with out him. We miss him a lot.

I wanted to Hold on to him and Never Let Him Go.....

DAY 1- First off, I just wanted to wish my husband a HAPPY 27TH BIRTHDAY. He finally caught up to me in age, I'm 3 and a half months older then him lol.
Well, last night I didn't want to go to bed knowing what the morning would bring. I didn't even want to put the kids to bed last night, knowing that was step closer to morning. Before the kids were put to bed, I had Josh say our Family Prayer, sitting down as a family in the boys room. After the kids got in bed, and I was tucking them in I couldn't help but tear up. I didn't want the morning to come. Josh saw me and asked me if everything was okay. I said it was, he said "It doesn't look like it to me". I really wasn't okay. I never wanted this day to happen. I couldn't fall asleep last night. I just kept on touching Josh's arm, or back.
2 years 8 months ago, when Josh arrived home from his 3rd deployment, I was hoping and Praying we wouldn't have to go through this again, another deployment. We said our goodbyes to Josh for a 4th time at 10:00 this morning. I just really wanted to hold him and not let him go. My heart is broken, I told him he better take care of my heart when he is in Iraq because he is taking it with him, right in his pocket. He probably thought I was crazy, but I really do feel like that. In the car on the way to Fort we were talking. He told me I'm going to be okay, I was like I know but It's more then that. He said, your going to be okay. But I told him it was even more then that. It's the fact that I have to be seperated from my husband yet again. He told me that he would be home for our Anniversary which is September 29th (it will be 9 years) but I told him that just seems so far away, especially since I have to get through spring break, and then summer. In that it will feel like years. Now all I can do right now is take each day at a time. I'm going to miss the little things like hugging him, putting my foot on him when we sleep to know he is there, and our time after the kids go to bed to watch t.v. I don't think that Elizabeth realized that daddy was leaving because she was ready to go to school, Michael didn't want to go to school, but I know they need the extra support besides me. Michael was crying, it was so sad, he is old enough now to realize daddy wont be home tonight, or any night for that matter the next 6 months. He kept on saying, "I don't want daddy to go", Johnathan didn't realize Josh was leaving either. So his reaction these next few days will be interesting. Leaving Fort Carson to come home to make the kids lunches and write their notes seemed like it took FOREVER to get off Fort. Then off Fort we got stuck by a long train. I just wanted to be home, and I wanted the never ending train to away. Now that I'm in tears, I'm going to end this for now with, We miss you already Josh, just be safe, it is not a goodbye, just a Farewell, until September.....