4 months with out holding you in my arms...

DAY 123~

Today Marks that my husband has been deployed 4 months. These monthly markers just make me want to cry, but yet they are a positive thing. It means we have made it through another month with out him, and we are another month closer to seeing him. This month marks, closer to being able to see him "for his vacation home", then when we first started this deployment.

Sometimes it hits me, "are we really on our 4th deployment together, or are we living a nightmare?" I truly am supportive of my husband, and I'm very Proud of him. Is it so bad that I love him so much, and I want to be his wife when he is at home and not just away?? At times I want this deployment to go by really fast, I just want him home with us. Then I have to remember, our kids are only this age once, and so I just want to enjoy them at the age they are. And that brings me back to thinking, yet again, my husband is missing out in all these moments with our kids. Then I think, I hope that I'm doing a good enough job raising these kids on my own. I know I hear it by some, but am I really? Sometime I do loose my patience, and get frustrated. But I do try to find activities to do. But, me alone raising the kids, doesn't make up for their dad being gone. I just really miss our family time together, all five of us, here together!

Today, We had Church. After Church there was a Military Ministry Potluck. So, we stayed for that, and the meeting after. We were at the Church from 11-3. Then we came home, and I had to take a quick nap, for some reason I was feeling tired.

When I woke up from my nap, well, a little while after, we were off to eat dinner. We ate at Gunther Toodys. It's set up as a 50's Diner, and really neat inside. This was to show the kids, daddy has been gone 4 months, but yet we are a month closer. When Elizabeth, Johnathan and I went into the bathroom, a cartoon picture was on the wall of a back of a man standing at a urinal. Yeah, it was weird like that. Elizabeth said, "Mommy we are in the boys restroom". I looked at the picture, and I was thinking I was pretty sure I walked into the women's restroom. I looked around, looking for urinals, then stepped out looking to see the sign on the door. Sure enough it was the women's restroom. But boy, I really didn't want my daughter seeing that picture (even though they didn't show any thing, but still, it was the idea). I think between ordering our food, waiting on our food, eating, and then dessert, we were there an hour and a half. By the end, I was just ready to leave. Well, we started to, and Johnathan thought he could bring the little bit of his ice cream sundae with us. As soon and I was reaching towards to stop him, splat! It went on the booth, the table and the floor, what a nice mess I cleaned up!

Then it was time to go home, and by this time it was time for the kids to go to bed. I had a final assignment to work on tonight for this set of classes. Tonight was the last night, and now I get a break, WAHOO!!

I still can't believe it has been 4 months since I have seen my husband. I can't wait to see him in a couple months for his "vacation home." Still counting down the days until I can see him at the airport, and give him a huge hug!