So, not full of emotions....

DAY 156~

Your probably like, what does this mean? Well, let me tell you, some people may be so full of emotions, from happy to sad, and everything in between. They may experience, excitement to anger, and many more. But for me, after Josh being deployed now on his 4th deployment, I have learned to block a lot of these emotions.

I may not smile as much anymore, I have a lot on my mind. I may not show I'm happy about things as much anymore, in reality I am. For me to be able to make it through being away from my husband while he is deployed, away from family and friends, and raising 3 kids on my own, I have had to block some of these emotions. If I sat here and thought about things, how it really does stink I have had to be separated from my husband so much, how hard it is to be away from him raising 3 kids, and how hard it is to be away from friends and family several states away, I would be one big cry baby. I have to be strong. I have to be strong for our kids, they need me. So, I try not thinking about these things. I block these emotions so they don't creep up on me. Do they sometimes sneak up on me? Yes! But I do my best to block them. I have to have things under control. Am I depressed? No.

I also have a lot on my mind. I'm trying to figure out how I will keep the kids busy, I'm worried about my husbands safety. Not every wife can say, they look outside sometimes making sure they aren't getting any unwanted visitors. Especially when it is days, in between hearing from my husband. My husband knows he is okay, but when it is days that I hear anything from home, the stress does pick up more.

I also have it heavy on my heart, that the man I love, has to be in such a not so great place, now for the 4th time. I feel bad for him, for having to put his life on hold, and everything he has to go through. I do my best not to think of this, but it creeps up on me to.

Then there are those awful, horrible thoughts, that when I get them. I just wipe them away, and leave myself un answered questions. Thoughts I just cannot bare to have, the second they come, then next second I tell myself no. I won't go into this subject much, and let you figure this subject out, because I just cannot bare to even think of this subject.

So, these are the reasons, that my emotions are blocked. It is hard for me to know of much anymore, what things do I like to do? Most of the time, it's making sure the kids are happy. But working out this week, did help me figure out one of the things that I like to do.

I wasn't able to work out today, because Johnathan has no preschool on Friday. So, after we took the older two to the bus stop. I went around putting yard sale signs up. And we had a yard sale from 8:30-12:15 today. We had a lot of traffic, stopping, and driving by. But, only 2 of the people bought anything. I finally sold one of my last two bigger items, the toddler slide. And then some smaller items, some of Elizabeth's clothes, old pair of shoes, and two back packs. For making a total of 15 dollars. Well worth getting rid of another big item.

After we closed up, I took down all the yard sale signs, then ate lunch. When I was done with lunch, I watched some t.v until we went to the bus stop to get the older two.

Tonight's, Since it is Friday night, was popcorn, pizza, pajama, and a movie tonight. They watched Spy Kids. I attempted to make the popcorn like my hubby makes, it actually turned out okay.

The kids are all in bed after Reading to them, Praying and tearing of the chain when Josh is on his "vacation home." And my homework is complete, so now it is time for me to head to bed.

Thinking, loving and missing my husband, excited to see him sometime in the month of September!!!