DAY 88-
I have always loved being at the ocean. It is so relaxing to me. Even though the blinds are closed right now, I can hear the waves outside, as I'm writing this blog, and before that, doing my homework. It was so nice today to wake up and see the beautiful ocean today. It reminded me, Were on vacation. (with in our vacation home)
I love just being away from everything, having a break from the world. Looking at the ocean and forgetting how hard life really is right now. How hard it is to raise three kids on my own while my husband is deployed, and the worries I carry within myself of being worried about his safety. For a minute, when I look at the ocean waves, those worries are washed away to sea. But then, I look away, and reality hits. Even though we are here with my parents, I look past that and see (or most likely hear) one, two, or even all three of my kids acting up.
I know it is hard for their daddy to be gone away from them, and truly not understand where he is, or what he is doing, and why he is not able to be here with them. But, I know, and their behavior is not helping me any. It doesn't help me when I see other couples, or other families that have their dad with them. It doesn't help me when I look out across the Ocean and wonder how far away my husband really is from me (of course I know he is not across this ocean, but still), and hope that he remains safe, it does not help me at all.
When I was a little girl I always tried to be good. So, that makes it tough on me when I have three children that just don't want to listen. Then again, I don't know personally, what it is like to be a child and have my daddy away from me for a year, and not know why.
I'm truly trying to take this into consideration, but an every day thing of temper tantrums, yelling, screaming, rolling eyes, etc., etc., etc., quite a few times a day is not helping me any. That is when it is time to Pray, and ask for Patience, and Guidance. And really, that is all I can do.
Today was a good day, we ate at the Artic Circle, in the car by the Ocean. It was a very windy day today. Then my mom, Elizabeth and I ran into Walmart to buy a few things. On the way back to our condo, my parents stopped at the grocery store and ran in. Of course, in between, the kids were doing their usual bad behavior.
Tonight we had a very good dinner, steaks, corn on the cob, salad, cottage cheese, and Johnathan had macaroni salad and loved it, He kept on getting more. (I'm only listing this food only because I assume my husband is not reading this blog, if he is, he can let me know otherwise, and I won't list food anymore, :) )
My dad and I took the kids out the playground a little while after dinner. We didn't stay to long because of the wind. When we got back it was time to put the kids to bed.
When we were out today, My handsome husband left me a nice Message on my facebook today that made my day. Even though it was a quick note, it meant a lot to me to read something from him. It was nice to receive that from him since I'm only able to talk to him once a week, usually every 5-7 days. I hope these next 3 and something months go by fast so that I can put my arms around him tightly, and hold on to him. I can only dream of this moment for now, and hope the time until then goes by fast.
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