This day last week...

DAY 8-

This day last week was the day that I said goodbye to my husband for 6 months. It was sad seeing his back going in the door as I was taking a picture of him, and then suddenly he was gone. I have the last hugs and kisses with the kids and him, and then him and I to cherish for the next few months. I wish I could freeze time, and then when he returns, have him return to that day when he left us. That way he is not missing any of our lives here. But I can't and so the kids and I have to go on living each day, one day at a time.

Today was no exception, I had been putting of going to the PX and the Commissary for two days. I did not want to take all three kids with me. I knew that they wouldn't behave. Typically, I would be able to leave them with Josh when he was home, and this would be my mommy time away. Today was the first time we went back to Fort Carson since last Thursday when Josh left. And then later the same day to go to the PX. The kids were good while we were at the PX. But once we went to the commissary to do our food shopping, my oh my, I really just waned to scream and cry all at the same time by the end. They would not listen, I was so embarrassed. And to top it off, I took one step away from the cart, trying to grab some chicken as fast as possible, I turn back and I hear boom, and a splash. My lovely youngest son dropped over a glass bottled drink, and it broke everywhere. I just wanted to hide, and pretend that these are not my kids, I just happen to be standing here. This one old lady was like you better go tell someone that it dropped, I admit I was a little rude to her, because she was being rude to me, and I about had enough at this time. I was like I can't exactly leave my 3 kids here alone, with this mess. It's not like I purposely took it and threw it down lady. (I didn't say that last part). She could have been nice and said I will go get someone, but no she didn't. This other nice lady did. It didn't help that when we went home we were stuck by a never ending train yet again, just like we were last week going home from just dropping Josh off for his deployment. Yet again, I just wanted to hurry and be home.

I really don't know if I like staying home with kids that like to fight, backtalk, whine, etc., or deal with the same thing in public. It really is a catch 22. I can't go on being stuck at home all the time, but then I dread taking the children out in public. I was not meant to be a single mom. It is hard. I know there are people who are divorced, or others that are just single parents. It is not for me, and it really takes a lot out of me emotionally. I'm always ready for the kids to be in be at 8. It is especially hard when you are married, and you or your spouse did not chose to be separated from each other. The military chose it for you. Getting married at 18, before the war officially started, I really don't think we knew, or at least I didn't know what it would be to be an Army wife, and have my husband away from us so much. It really stinks. I really truly miss my husband.

Johnathan did do something cute last night though. After I got him dressed for bed, he gave me a kiss. Then he gave me a serious look, he looked like his daddy when he did that, and then after a few moments said, "I'm the baby mommy". He is my baby because he is my youngest, and will always be my baby.

I just truly wish that the kids understood that mommy is really trying to do her best here, and that even though daddy is not here, they don't need to not behave. I really hope the days start getting easier, and I hope the children really start listening, because they are not making this deployment any easier on any of us.